YOUR GUIDE TO THE MINNESOTA STATE FAIR

People

PeopleMINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA – Before you go to the Minnesota State Fair, people will say things like, “Get the cheese curds!” “The chocolate milk is only $1 and it’s unlimited refills!” “Don’t forget to try the Australian Battered Potatoes!” And, “There’s really great milkshakes!”

All I’m thinking is Cheese curds and milk from Wisconsin — everyone knows Wisconsin OWNS dairy — and fries from Australia? And those magical milkshakes you’re talking about? It’s CUSTARD — another Wisconsin treat. So what the hell is the Minnesota State Fair known for? Wishing they were Wisconsin? Well, I’ll tell you.

It’s clean. There’s a lot of fried food. And there are a lot of people. But they’re clean, too — which is surprising. I mean, this is a state fair.

Because Minnesota has a lot of Scandinavian influences, you can get things like lingonberry shaved ice. And I recommend doing that. But here is what the locals go for:

People go ape shit for Sweet Martha’s soft and chewy chocolate chip cookies. So much so that they sell them by the tub:

If you don’t want an entire tub (like me) they will scoop an obscene amount of cookies into a small paper cone and force you to balance them while you also hold a cup of cold milk (a must) and try to dig through your wallet at the same time. Which results in a lot of this:

Lots of cookie roadkill in this area. Beware.

Back to the Australian Battered Potatoes. Who cares about Australia, right? WRONG. Everyone does. They are fried  patties of potato-y goodness with ranch and nacho cheese on top. For whatever reason, you can’t ALSO order sour cream if you get ranch. They make you choose. WHYYY?? (No picture of these. You’d die of jealousy if you saw the plate of glory.)

Fried shit on a stick. That’s what the Minnesota State Fair is really known for. You can even get Spaghetti Dinner on a Stick. (I’ll just let you dream about how that works.) Twinkies are just one of the many examples of fried shit on a stick that you will see.

This guy just had to be a smart ass about it. Look at all those empty seats.

Other weird shit sightings at the Minnesota State Fair.

There are also an obscene amount of rides so you can barf out the food you just ate — the only way to survive an entire afternoon at the State Fair.

Another vomit comet sighting. Bring an umbrella.

This little guy is their mascot. Because that’s what you do at the fair. You turn into a fricken’ chipmunk gathering food and stuffing your face.

I’ll be back next year…

 

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